The one on one moments

May 28th
I have to say, that while I have known the importance of one on one time-it is not always easy to accomplish, but since feeling a need to relish each day better I have been pleasantly surprised at how sweet the one on one moments really are.  Today Allie had her first piano lesson, which was super exciting, but it also meant that I had a few minutes with Brailie and Treyson which was really nice too.  We walked to get the mail and Treyson was in the stroller busily looking at things and that gave me a chance to look at my sweet 4 year old riding her bike, her little quirky habits, her cute grin, and listen to her one million questions and just have a minute again where I could give her my undivided attention and I could take her in just a little better.  It was wonderful.  So simple, but so wonderful.
Later we had bath time and I had Brailie in the tub and Treyson was napping which meant that it was just Allie and I for a second and that rarely happens so I tried to soak it in.  She wanted me to hold her.  My 6 year old, who is as heavy and a sack of bricks and too big to be carried any more wanted to sit on me and cuddle.  Oh the JOY it was for me to just hold her again.  We didn't really talk, she said she just wanted to cuddle me.  It made me feel special and I know she needed it.  I am so grateful for that moment, that everything happened as it did to allow me to have that.
My goal is to have more one on one time.  It is so hard to fit that in.  Our girls do most everything together.  Brailie is the hardest to let me go and do anything with anyone else if it doesn't include her but hopefully with Greg home for the summer we can work it out and have that time.  It is as precious as gold I know.  I knew it before, but I know it even better now.

Catching moments

Allie is home from school now.  That adds to the chaos but also helps.  I was worried it would be more overwhelming having 3 home all day everyday and that made me feel frustrated at first but then I felt an impression to stop blaming having a third child home all day for the stressful, grumpy feelings I was having.  Allie can be intense, and loud and full on, full energy, full tantrum sometimes but she can also be so helpful, and funny, and imaginative and entertaining to both her sister and her brother.  It was a reminder to me to stop catching all the negatives and start catching all the great things she adds now that she is not in school.  She helps her brother put on his socks and shoes, she can hold the door for him, she helps him and watches him outside when they play.  She is great at keeping Brailie entertained-that is for sure.  They play and play and play.  She likes to help me in the kitchen sometimes and that is nice.  She is good to share with her brother, she can put toothpaste on tooth brushes and reach things that are up high, and lift her brother up in his chair and do his buckles.  Man, when I stop and look at it, she is such a benefit to me.  Ya it is tricky at times keeping all 3 happy and she has a short fuse occasionally and sometimes rallies her sister into a "mom is mean and we aren't going to talk to her anymore" strike, but overall she is my little blessing and I am grateful for the reminder to catch her good things more than her negatives.

Wish the feeling would never go away.

I have been thinking, "maybe this was a bad idea...writing this blog."  I wanted it to be a place to share all my warm fuzzy feelings, and good mom moments, and change of heart moments, and moments when I don't forget my purpose, or the purpose of having my little family, and I don't get frustrated, or mad, or overwhelmed, to share all the good stuff I do as a mom as a result of this crazy personal revelation I have been given.  So the fact that, despite praying continually that the good and loving and changed feelings of my heart would never go away, I have to be honest and say that I am imperfect and I have found myself feeling like I did before.  It is not like I was "bad" before, but I just let things get to me, it was easy to get caught up in all the things I need to get done, feeling overwhelmed, not wanting to do another polly pocket hair do, or listen to another description of the last cartoon that was watched.  You know, just normal stuff.  And I didn't want to feel that way, but it just happens.  Life gets hectic, or stressful, or I am just not on top of things everyday.  I feel frustrated in myself because not every night when I tuck the girls in bed do I remind myself that this day is special, and what if it was the last day, but I just sometimes say "okay, mom is tired, it is bed time, time to be quiet, time to go to sleep.  I love you girls."  So I feel bad.  I don't want to admit that it happened, or will happen but it did and does.  I have been praying to have those great, super in tune, loving mom feelings everyday and some days I do OK and some days I am not my best.  But I read a scripture recently that I LOVE that really helps me remember what Heavenly Father wants of me and everyone.  Alma 34: 33 "for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not IMPROVE our time while in this life....."  That is the part that stuck out and I love...IMPROVE.  To me that means that we try and get better each day.  We won't master everything all at once, we will have days where we seem to be going backwards, but we are working to try and improve each day.  So in these last few days that haven't been nearly as heavenly as that first few days after the inspiration, or revelation or whatever, I have been praying to have my heart changed but also praying to just do at least one thing better today than I did yesterday.  I can improve each day....that I know with certainty.

Lullabies

I am blessed to have a husband how is home (almost all of the time) at bedtime and who loves to and willingly helps put the kids to bed.  He usually puts Treyson to bed and I start on things with the girls.  I love to listen (through the wall while I am in the girls room) to the two of them in Treyson's room as they get ready.  I love hearing them giggle, and I love hearing Greg read him stories and most of all I love hearing Greg sing him lullabies and hearing Treyson singing along.  He doesn't say any words, he kinda hums.  It is the cutest thing.  To me it is like him saying, "I love this daddy, I love singing with you."  One of those things that just touches a mama's heart.

Crazy Family Pictures

May 12th it was my turn to choose the activity for family home evening.  I wanted to do crazy family pictures.  I love taking pictures.  I am grateful I have a very tiny amount of ability in even taking pictures.  The opportunity to capture moments with my family is one of the greatest blessings ever.   These pictures turned out perfectly-exactly how I wanted.  I just wanted an opportunity to capture the craziness of our family.  Yay for a perfect moment.

A heart willing to serve

I would think that most people would probably say it is too early to tell, but I think my sweet boy has a real desire to serve.  I have really noticed it a lot lately.  When I am sweeping the floor, he comes and wants to empty the dust pan for me.  When someone spills water on the floor he runs to get a towel and wipes it up.  When I am making dinner, he loves to put the forks on the table to help.  When I vacuum, he pushed his toy vacuum right along beside me-the whole time-not just for a minute and then he gets distracted, the whole time.  He pushed his toy mower along with Greg as he mows the lawn the whole time too.  The other day we came home from the store and our neighbor was out mowing her lawn and as soon as I put him down he headed right over to get is toy mower and started booking it over to Verna's.  I called him back, but I think he would have gone over and helped her mow if I had let him.  And today I caught him out with his dad pulling weeds in the back yard.  I mean, he doesn't slow down, he doesn't get distracted, he stays right there doing his part to help until the job is finished.  Could he really have been born with a heart ready to serve?  Oh how I hope and pray I get to see him grow, and watch as this precious part of his personality develops.  

My perfect day

  Today was nearly perfect (as perfect as life with 3 little kids, a migraine and a church assignment can be).  What I loved about it was that I was up early and did my workout and showered before anyone woke up, I was organized, I used time really well, I planned ahead for dinner, and surprisingly the house stayed pretty clean.  But what I loved even more than all of those things was that today allowed me to have one on one time with each of my kids which rarely happens; hardly ever actually.  Allie was the only one of the 3 up before school so that gave me time with her to listen to her chit chat about school and what the kids do and friends and lunch and hair and clothes and the way her glasses case reflected the sunlight on the kitchen floor, and how she could make shadow puppets on the floor while she laid in the sun and she asked a million questions about her field trip tomorrow.  Getting her ready for school has not been easy this year but this morning I loved having a little one on one with her-I guess I loved it more than the other few times it has happened because I recognized it as more of a blessing than I ever have before.
  After Allie was off to school I had a little scripture study time (which also helped make it a perfect day) and then Treyson woke up but Brailie stayed asleep.  That gave me a chance to eat breakfast with him and watch him putter around the kitchen.  It gave me a chance to watch him eat more than I have before.  Man the kid loves to eat.  It was fun to just hold him and not feel quite as torn in a million directions getting juice and snacks and shows and stuff like usual.  It was great just to have a little time with my little man.
  In the afternoon while Treyson napped I also got my time with Brailie.  We baked pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and she asked a million questions and had a million comments.  Then we did some preschool together.  We practiced writing sight words and reading them.  We practiced writing numbers (which I think she might be getting up in the night to practice those because she keeps getting better and better every day) and then she read/sounded out to me 28 CVC words (consonant, vowel, consonant words).  28.  All on her own.  Brilliant.  She is so smart.  She was so proud of herself, she didn't want to stop.  She just had the biggest grin from ear to ear.  It was perfect.  Then we painted.  I can't forget that.  We painted in a water color book and she talked a mile a minute.  I just grinned.  I haven't always grinned (I will be honest) while doing these kinds of things but today I grinned.  I tried to listen to what she said and respond and giggle with her.  The thought, "Oh, you don't want to miss this," played over and over in my mind.  And I am so grateful that I was there-not just in body but in mind too.
  When I came home from my church assignment, I was so sick with a migraine I could hardly stand and I went in to say good night to the girls.  Allie had to tell me about all the geese they saw playing golf with daddy today.  I felt like passing out but I listened with as much of a grin as I could muster as I heard about all the geese-the babies, the father goose who was flying one way but pointed his wings the other, the grey geese and the tiny new baby geese and the ducks with crazy white beaks.  I did my best to take it all in.  After all, how many people get to know, in so many details, about the goose population of the golf course.  There might be a quiz on it someday.  I am so glad I listened.  I am so glad I made myself stay and listen.  I am so glad I was part of this day.